I’m getting my haircut right now, and it’s funny, whenever I’m here I get motivated to share the inside secrets of men.
I’ve known the guy who cuts my hair for a couple of years now. He was telling me his girlfriend went away recently.
He said, “It’s great. I don’t have to clear my browser history every day!”
I started laughing but it’s so true. We know that some women snoop. Women are curious, and given the opportunity to check up on their man, 95 percent of women will check his browser history. They’ll also check email, and text messages. It’s just the way women are wired.
He told me, with her away, he’s able to look at porn if he wants without her finding out about it. He can spend hours on eBay without her obsessing about him spending money.
Whatever it might be, it’s usually innocent behavior. Yes, I know that you think porn isn’t innocent, but so many men who are addicted to watching porn. I’ve never been a porn person myself. If a woman checked my browser history, she’d find it pretty boring.
She’d find searches on eBay. She’d find searches on clothing stores. She’d find searches on cars and news sites like ESPN. It wouldn’t be anything very interesting. I asked him what else he liked about his girlfriend being away for a while.
He says, “I can’t believe I’ve fallen in love with her little gay dog!”
I started laughing. His girlfriend has a little gay dog that irritates him because whenever they’re together, the dog spends all his time interacting with his girlfriend and not him. So I asked him what the dog is like now that she’s not around.
He said it’s amazing. “The dog gives me the attention it never gives me. I actually like it I never thought I’d love this little gay dog the way I do. You know, I also love being able to sleep in the middle of the bed.”
Women love to know their man is missing them when they’re apart. So I asked him, “What do you say when she asks if you’re missing her?”
To be 100 percent honest, when we’re away from you, we don’t miss you that much. We might say it, but in reality, we like our man cave time. We don’t have to listen to your stories about the drama at work. We don’t have to pretend that we’re interested in your annoying friend Amanda.
We like our alone time. When a man says he misses you, he’s probably saying that because he wants you to hear it. In reality, he loves you. He loves when he’s with you, but when he’s apart he loves the man cave time. He loves his alone time. He’s passionate about his alone time.
We may leave the toilet seat up, just because it feels good to pee in the middle of the night and not have to lift the toilet seat up.
We may go to the bathroom with the door open. We may clip our toenails in bed. We’re just being men. And when you ask if we miss you — there’s a secret pact among men — we say we do because we know it’s what you wart to hear.
We love you, we love to be around you, and we enjoy time with you. And when you disappear and go visit your Aunt Emma and your Uncle Ben, we’re happy that we don’t have to go.
In fact, we kind of like being alone to be our disgusting man-self a couple of weeks a year.
When you get home we’ll be like an excited puppy. You’re back in our life again, and we actually did miss you, but when we’re alone, boys like to play. We like to sit around, and to act like little boys.
We might even have a sleep over with a friend and raid the refrigerator at night. We’ll do whatever we want to do. But don’t ask us to tell you that we miss you. The second you walk in the door we fall right back into being happy that you’re home. We realize that we miss you, and life is far better with you than being alone
It’s just the way we are!
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