That’s what some dude commented on this picture when I posted it on Facebook.
I was showing off my beautiful statement necklace that I love from Forever 21. I love taking selfies. I love dressing up, putting on makeup, creating a look and taking pictures. I know I’m beautiful — not more beautiful or less beautiful than any other woman. Because I think every woman is beautiful, I’m so happy when I see another woman post a selfie and she is beaming confidence. I am a self-love expert after all. I coach people on finding/increasing their mojo, so their confidence soars and it helps their business, relationships, happiness and self-image, of course.
For years I looked in the mirror and just saw this freckled, chubby, plain girl. I wanted to be special. People would always call me cute. I wanted to be beautiful. I thought that you had to be thin, blonde and tan. I developed an eating disorder over the pressure and lack of self-esteem. That just made me weigh less. I felt shame, constant hunger and that I was never good enough. Being thin didn’t make me feel beautiful. I dyed my hair blonde. I got some attention from guys. I felt fleeting moments in my 18-year-old mind where I felt beautiful. But then if I a guy was really cute, I felt like a big dork again. Twenty years later, I can tell you I feel beautiful every day. I have stretch marks, cellulite and all that stuff and I still feel beautiful. I’m a mom of five. I know what’s important. I see beauty in the world and in others. I choose beautiful. It’s a feeling. It’s not a picture to achieve.
When you look within, cultivating a great relationship with yourself where you are kind to yourself, beauty is revealed. Focusing on what you like about yourself and rewriting your story in a better light makes you radiate a whole different vibe. If you believe beauty expires after a certain age or isn’t relevant at a certain weight, that’s a choice you are making. It’s a limiting belief. It’s BS. That’s a marketing tactic to get you to buy more stuff and “fix” your flaws.
What if you decided today that you were beautiful? What would change? How would your life be different? How would your children or people in your life start to look at themselves differently? We are so focused on how beautiful celebrities are and that social media is the place we all show our filtered or posed version of us. Some people are actually afraid to post selfies because they think people will judge them. What if people thought you were full of yourself? What if they thought you knew you were beautiful? Well, if people really love you, they will want you to love yourself.
My younger, fragile self could have not handled the negative “I don’t know what’s special about you” comment. I would have felt dumb, ugly, fat, and like I should hide away in my not-good-enoughness. If you’re young and life hasn’t shown you yet how little to value the opinion of others, especially some random old guy hiding behind a computer screen, social media can seem toxic and kill your self-esteem. Look for the good on there and you’ll find it. Value your own opinion. Figure out how you think. Decide if that thinking is good for you. Judge others’ appearances less, especially your own. Focus on what is special about you. Don’t be afraid to show the world how special you are. Comment kindly to others on social media and you will feel better about yourself.
Remember you are special and you don’t need to be any different or for trolls on social media to approve this. If people write hateful or stupid stuff online to belittle you, they are not happy people and they are trying in some demented way to boost themselves. Be compassionate to both of you by ignoring their drama, deleting the comment, blocking them or whatever you need to do. Send them a blessing on a soul level, but don’t allow the nonsense. You are worthy and deserving of feeling good about yourself, so do that. Much love to you. I’m cheering you on.
If you’re struggling with an eating disorder, call the National Eating Disorder Association hotline at 1-800-931-2237.