High achievers and perfectionists can relate to the “yes syndrome”. I cannot tell you how many times I have ended up over extending myself from the result to committing my time and energy into projects and ventures, even some of them in areas I wasn’t interested in! As people pleasers, we say yes to a lot. Yes, I will help you with that project, yes I will meet you there, yes I can do that for you! It is admirable that we want to help others, have lofty goals, and want to be involved. But it is completely fine to say no sometimes and often times, it is a healthier choice. By choosing the things we want to be involved with and saying no with love to those we choose not to be involved with, we are being honest and true to ourselves. It makes the things that we choose to do more meaningful and shows self-respect.
Many of us have a difficult time saying no, fearing that the other parties will be hurt, disappointed, angry, or feel less of us. Saying no with love is a simple, yet powerful way of communication that benefits both parties involved. Here are three steps you can take right away to say no with love.
1. When approached with a question, stop and think about it. We are often so quick to say yes, that we don’t really process what we are agreeing to. If you are stuck, you can even ask the person to give you a minute to think about it or ask them if you can get back to them in an hour, a day, or however long it takes you. Stop, breathe, think, and process.
2. Think with your heart, rather than your head. Is this truly something that I want to do? Am I committed to following through? How will this help and impact the other person? Is this something positive that I can feel good about and resonates with me? These are some great questions to use as decision making factors to help you make a decision leading with your heart.
3. Say no with love. If it is a situation that you feel bad saying no to but know you need to for your own health, silently bless the person before telling them no. A simple blessing could be “I’m sorry, I love you and I wish and send you love, happiness, and resolution to your situation.” Then say no to that person with intentions of love. Know in your heart that saying no does not mean you don’t care about that person, that in fact, it is building a bond of trust between the two of you that you can be open and your true self with them.
If we can learn to say no with love, we will conquer our fears of rejection, confrontation, or disappointment. Rather than live our life in fear, we can live our life authentically, as our true, beautiful selves. I encourage you to practice saying no with love and see how these fears disappear, making more room in your life and in your heart for love and happiness.
Melissa Escaro is a life coach and author who focuses on stress reduction and modern mindfulness. She believes in the power of intentional thought, that our thoughts create our reality, and that we have the power to create a life of abundance, joy, and fulfillment. Melissa is the author of In10tions: A Mindset Reset Guide to Happiness. Get a free daily dose of inspiration with In10tions 365, based on her book! www.melissaescaro.com