In my work with hundreds of smart, successful, single women over the years, their initial question to me is usually the same:
“Why am I still single?”
Underneath that question is pain.
There is a feeling that everyone else has it figured out and something is wrong with them. That no matter how much they want true love, maybe it is hopeless.
If you are here reading this post right now, you might be having some of those same feelings.
For you, I want to pose the same questions I ask my clients:
What if there was nothing to fix?
What if there was no answer to why you’re still single?
What would happen if you let go of trying to figure it all out?
Start to see the reasons you have created in your mind to keep you stuck.
You could sit here and make up all of the “reasons” you’re still single: you’re too intimidating, too overweight, too skinny, not the homemaker type that most men want, too emotional — I could go on and on.
But those would all just be stories. There are millions of people out there with all of those same “reasons” or “bad qualities” (that we’ve coined as bad in our heads) who are in loving, fulfilling relationships.
There is NOTHING to fix or change about yourself before you are “worthy” of love.
The idea that there is something wrong with you is a solution that your MIND came up with when you asked it the question, “Why am I still single?”
The mind is a beautifully powerful thing.
When posed with a question, our minds will be relentless in trying to answer it because unanswered questions are seen as a threat.
The brain is wired to fill in the gaps with “reasons”. If there is an open question, the mind can’t stand it. It fills it in with something.
For example, if you asked yourself the question, “Why is this book orange?” you probably wouldn’t be able to just leave it at, “Well because it’s orange.” You will create a reason or story to answer the question like, “I bet the author wanted the book to stand out among the other books on the shelf.”
The mind also can’t actually conjure up what is unknown. It will just give you an answer of something you have already experienced in the past or something you overheard.
Love exists in the unknown, so our brain can’t comprehend what is POSSIBLE for us in love.
Anything is possible for you in love. I really want you to start to see that. You deserve exactly what you want.
The questioning is masking something deeper.
In order to really open yourself up to those possibilities, this needs to happen: our focus needs to shift from questioning and creating reasons to feeling.
If you were to let the question of WHY you are still single go and instead say ‘I have no idea why I’m single and that’s OKAY’, what can you FEEL come up in its place?
Do you feel emotions like sadness or anger that you have tucked away?
Do you feel memories start to come through?
Do you feel freer to have what you do want?
Let all of that come up. Let whatever you’re feeling be okay. When you allow yourself to move through those feelings in a real way, instead of creating reasons for why you’re single, your heart reopens.
You release the feelings that were trapped underneath the reasons. That’s all your heart is wanting is to feel again or more.
When your heart reopens that is what calls in true love even faster.
So, I leave you with this question: How can you let go of the reasons created for why you’re still single and begin to acknowledge the feelings that were underneath?
Let me know in the comments.