I thought I knew a lot about the female orgasm, but after having sex expert Emily Nagoski come by the show, I realized how much more there was to it! Emily has been writing and educating about sex for 20 years, and has taken special interest in helping women achieve more pleasure, more often, and more confidently. She has a bestselling new book out called Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life, and we covered all the bases in our chat together.
Some Added Stimulation
Earlier in our talk, Emily described the two basic mechanisms for achieving orgasm. There is an “accelerator”, which responds to pleasure, and says “go”, and there is a “decelerator”, which responds to the very good reasons not to be “turned on”. A woman’s “sexual accelerators” may work slower than a man’s, and sometimes, us ladies need a little more stimulation to get us to where we need to be. Sex toys can be a great tool in helping achieve orgasm, especially when paired with actual intercourse.
But the stigma of sex toys keeps most of couples from ever experimenting with them. Many partners would get conscious even at the suggestion, assuming that the need for them stems from bad performance. Men may think there is “some equivalence” between what a sex toy does, and what they do as a partner, which could not be further from the truth. Emily says that they are simply “one little, specific adjunct” to the act of lovemaking. “All a vibrator does is oscillate at 1000 rpm, which no human can do, and that’s fine” says Emily.
“Make your partner feel like a superhero”
Her best advice on helping introduce them into a relationship? “Start by highlighting all the things you partner does well.” A human partner can do so much more than sex toy ever could – a vibrator cannot “make eye contact. It cannot caress your face, it can’t kiss you…” says Emily. Recent research also proves that the greatest indicator of sexual satisfaction doesn’t even happen during sex – it’s how long you cuddle after. Which is something no sex toy can do well!
Check out the full interview with Emily here.
Also, be sure to pick up a copy of Emily’s bestselling new book, Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life!
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