Snoring, overactive sleepers, different temperature preferences or opposite sleep/wake times can ruin a partner’s rest, Phyllis Zee, director of the Sleep Disorders Center at Northwestern Memorial Hospital, told The Huffington Post.
And while bed sharing does help build emotional comfort and closeness that benefits relationships, sleeping side-by-side is not the only way to achieve that, Zee said. (Couples who sleep apart can try a morning or nighttime routine for cuddling and sex, she added.)
“Getting good quality sleep is important for relationships ― bed-sharing or not,” she said. “It’s a personal decision, not necessarily a sign of marital problems.”
Below, 12 people share why they made the decision to slumber apart and how it’s benefited their relationship.
“We’re both introverts so it’s nice to have our own space.”
“We’ve slept in separate rooms from the start. I have insomnia and I’m an extremely sensitive sleeper, everything wakes me up … We have different sleep/wake schedules ― I go to bed early and wake up late, he stays up late and gets up early. Things are much more peaceful having our own beds. We get much better rest and we still cuddle a ton and are very affectionate when we’re awake. We’re also both introverts so it’s nice to have our own space sometimes. We wouldn’t have it any other way.” – Erin Lidia
“I have severe insomnia and he snores like a beast.”
“I have severe insomnia and he snores like a beast. We typically watch TV/lay in the bedroom together ― then when its time to sleep, he goes to his room. Now I sleep when I am able fall asleep and he sleeps more because I’m not constantly hitting him to roll over.” – Sandie Massagli
“We sleep better.”
“Me and my husband sleep in separate rooms. We have twin boys and started sleeping separate when they were born two years ago. Then every minute of sleep was precious and necessary. We still do because we sleep better ― and he snores like a freight train.” – Brittany Hamrick Mazur
“This is what works for us.”
“My husband and I have slept in separate beds nearly our entire 15-year marriage. He snores, so I don’t sleep. I move around a lot and we have a firm mattress, so he doesn’t sleep. This is what works for us. It doesn’t mean we don’t love each other and aren’t intimate. We have two daughters and he still gives me butterflies.” – Katie VanVleet
“He is late to bed and late to rise, where I am early to bed and early to rise.”
“We have separate rooms. We love it. He is late to bed and late to rise, where I am early to bed and early to rise. I invite him up for sleepovers, but inevitably he heads down to his room. In the morning I take him in a cup of tea and hop into his bed. We just prefer this arrangement ― it does not mean we don’t love each other.” – Nicki Macrae
“I can read and write to my heart’s content.”
“When I worked I had to get up early and go to bed early, it made sense to let each other have that space. When I retired I looked forward to be able to read until I’m good and ready to put my book down. If that means the lights are on and I read all night, so be it. We both sleep better.
“I can go to my room and read and write to my heart’s content. We have been married for 16 years and love each other more than we ever thought possible. Both in our 60s and loving the liberation!” – Sheryl Perez
“We don’t argue about each other’s snoring anymore!”
“For the last year my husband and I have slept in separate beds and it has been amazing! Our relationship is stronger than ever and we don’t argue about each other’s snoring anymore!” – Tracy Ann
“We just sleep so much better without someone else in the bed.”
“Sleep is incredibly important to us both so, yes, separate beds in the same room. We have different mattress preferences, I’m a very light sleeper while he’s a deep sleeper who moves around a lot, I like lots of blankets and he does not, and we just sleep so much better without someone else in the bed to consider.