Make sure you only upload pictures of YOURSELF. This is the point of the selfie. You need to make sure as people look at this picture you’ve taken of yourself, they hear Ron Burgundy’s voice saying, ‘Hey, everybody, come see how good I look!’ shouting from your image. It has to either be a close up of your face showing how immensely beautiful you after your fine Face Tuning to remove any kind of skin texture, or one of you looking like you’re doing something without realising the photo is being taken (like looking out a window). You just want to show off your outfit, hair or body. Gratuitous cleavage and yoga pants pictures never hurt anyone also. Get some pictures of you hanging out in a white pillared doorway if you’re in Europe, these are good to show your outfit. Obviously. Always look down, maybe pretending to laugh, or look wistfully in to the distance like you’re trying to divide 43 into 35,291. Who takes some of these pictures is a mystery? I’ve seen the mocks of the Instagram Husband who’s roped into taking constant pictures of their wives for social media but the couple pictures? Who? What is the context of the conversation? ‘Hey bro, will you just take some pictures of us for our instagram so we can use the #couplegoals’.

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